21 Tips for Couples Starting Social Dance Lessons
Wait a second.
It may seem too good to be true.
In fact, you may need to pinch yourself, splash cold water on your face, or intentionally stub your toe on that dumb chair you seem to always slam into.
In the next 48 hours, you just might be taking social dance lessons... wait for it... as a couple.
Now here's how you can avoid screwing that up.
1. Keep the window short
Treat this as an impulse decision. Like that time you said, "hey, let's just go to Vegas". The voice of reason - that sounds a lot like a private school chaperone - is liable to show up at any moment. So set up your lesson as soon as possible - within 48 hours whenever possible.
2. Schedule before your favorite shows start
There's something about the gravitational pull of your favorite shows, combined with a big dinner, and that luscious couch that can destroy any plans outside of that orbit.
Aim for your first lesson at a time on your commute home from work.
3. DVR your favorite shows to be safe
You should be doing this already as a member of the human race, but you don't need any extra distracting excuses to lure you home.
4. Stack your Lesson with Something
Imagine what would happen if you stacked your cell phone on top of your keys, and your wallet. The chances of losing any of them would greatly diminish.
Take the same approach with, at least, your first 5 lesson appointments. Stack it with dinner, a coffee date, drinks, or that gelato bar everyone raves about.
5. Clear History
Under no circumstances will you utter any previously mentioned dance myths about yourself, or your dance partner. Things like "two left feet", or "born with no rhythm" erode hobby success like acid.
6. Do Not Practice Unsupervised... ever
There's a reason why Arthur Murray created supervised Practice Parties. Unsupervised practices at home are about as good an idea as unsupervised minors at a bar in a foreign country.
7. Leaders - Focus on Clear Directions
You've got a job, and that job is to be clear and decisive. Any hesitation on your part results in misinterpreted signals.
You've got to be willing to make bold mistakes, with an emphasis on the bold part.
8. Followers - Focus on Posture and Split Second Delay
Even on a Live network television broadcast, there's still a 7 second delay, on average, from the action to the transmission to your screen at home.
How does this relate to dancing?
Well, your dance partner will send a signal, and you are responsible for that delay - let's call it 1 second - to ensure that you've correctly picked up the information. The lead will feel great the longer you wait, and feel free to stand up taller so you look great while you're waiting.
9. The Opposite Side of Your Frame is Off Limits
It's easy to blame your dance partner when a mistake occurs. In fact, it's about as easy as blaming your sibling when Mom's favorite coffee mug mysteriously broke in the kitchen. In either case, no one improves when you point fingers.
10. Avoid Dance Comparisons
It's normal to notice the great dancers in your studio. You should notice them, they've worked hard. What you can't see, however, is how long they have worked on their skills, how often they come in for lessons, or what they might struggle with. So, appreciate, but don't try to replicate. Your dance journey is unique, and so are the benefits you'll receive from it.
11. Refresh the Big Picture
Unfortunately, it's easy to focus on areas that need improvement so much, that you forget why you started your lessons to begin with. Don't.
12. Think Like Sportscenter (share the highlights)
If someone asks, "how are your dance lessons going?" give them the ESPN treatment - only the highlights. The last thing you want is a non-dancing friend or family member that grows skeptical of your new hobby.
13. Fancy Rules
There will come a point when you've learned enough about dancing that you're no longer just fighting for basic survival. Let's call this, the "Fancy Stage". It's important that as your dancing improves, so does your ability to see micro-trends in progress.
14. Your Teacher
Your teacher is there to be a physician, not a paramedic. The more time you spend impeding the work of the physician, the more likely you're going to need a paramedic.
15. Momentum is Your Friend
Whether it is a tandem bike, a row boat, or the early years in your relationship with a car running only on fumes of gas coasting down a hill in search of a gas station - momentum is very important. Unfortunately, each complaint, comment, or total change of subject is like an emergency brake, barricade, or anchor that can stop momentum from building.
16. Try a Full Potential Lesson
Your goal is to gracefully dance as a unit with the love of your life. As contrary as it may sound, working separately on your own roles, with your own teachers, can make huge improvements for your goal of seamlessly dancing together, and in a fraction of the time.
17. Avoid the Sidebar Conversations
Occasionally, your teacher will cue up a song on the computer, which opens up the potential for a sidebar conversation. Also known as the "fix this, fix that" whisper. This can result in one part of the partnership suddenly losing enthusiasm, much to the surprise of the teacher.
18. Make Unfair Comparisons
This is not as bad as it sounds. Think, for a second, of how many of your pre-Arthur Murray friends that are couples. Now, take inventory - how many of them are dancing? How many have a spouse willing to give the hobby a try? We consider those unfair comparisons because it really is no contest. Unfair comparisons are a great way to remind yourself of how special this new activity really is.
19. Every Lesson is a Milestone, Celebrate Accordingly
Think of what you'd do for your kids after their first day of school, or after their first week. You'll write them a special note, pack a special lunch, or throw them a pizza party with live circus animals. Why not do the same thing for yourselves? You're both new students, doing something that not many couples do anymore, and we encourage you to celebrate with a post-lesson margarita, a note to each other, or a pizza party with circus animals.
20. Have an Arthur Murray Miles Card
Years ago there was a couple from Arthur Murray San Jose. They paid for all of their dance lessons with the same credit card. They called it their "Arthur Murray card". Upon further investigation, it wasn't an actual Arthur Murray credit card, but it was a Visa American Airlines card. "We pay for all of our dance lessons on this card, and the deal we have is that we have to use the airline points on a vacation where we go to use our dancing." About a year later, they found and danced at every Salsa club in Paris.
Get yourself an Arthur Murray Miles card.
21. Flirt
One of the greatest benefits for couples learning to dance together is creating a new spark in their relationship. Whether you want to call that "Marriage Insurance", "Relationship momentum", or "pre-paid date nights" - having a hobby that puts you in close physical proximity, outside of your comfort zone, and encourages you to work together as a team is nothing short of relationship magic.
So, by all means, flirt. Whether it's a hug, a look, a grin, a kiss - it's a simple indicator that you're experiencing the number one benefit of learning to dance together as a couple.
Final Thought
It would be easy to turn this entire list into one, all encompassing, rule: Let the teacher do the teaching. Which is about as effective as a football coach telling his team to try harder, or to tell a detention bound teen to "follow the rules more".
But, just like a relationship, there is an ebb and flow to things.
There are tips listed above that may be irrelevant today, but are incredibly poignant tomorrow, but that's what makes your lessons, and your relationship, interesting.
And why there's a special place in every teacher's heart for a couple that work hard to become dance partners.
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