5 Ways To Help A Self Destructing Dance Partner
How many minutes until it happens?
The fuse ignites and the next thing you know there's a pout, quiet monologue, followed by a total meltdown. For anyone that has ever been on either side of a dance induced meltdown, this is your article.
1. The Curve Of Learning
You may have seen it on a poster, you may have flipped past it in your dance program, or read the our article on it, but at some point, the Curve Of Learning will save your dancing skin. Not to mention your dance partner's.
What is the Curve of Learning?
The Curve of Learning is a chart used in Arthur Murray Dance Studios that explains the process of learning. Everything starts with an Initial Stage, where things are first introduced. It continues with an Awkward Stage, where the skill or step can be done, but with difficulty. With time and repetition, the student transitions into Conscious Use, where they physical action has been learned, but must be thought through with, what seems like, all of the available brain power. Ultimately, the student achieves the Natural Use stage. This is when the skill or step can be done with clarity, creativity, and enjoyment.
Here's why it Works:
Communicates a Process
It's easy to get "process amnesia" as a dancer. Whether it is the abundance of mirrors in the studio, or genuine frustration with the content - it's easy to lose sight of how far you've come when you're locked in on any negative moments in the present.
Delivers Perspective
It's comforting to know that there is a poster/brochure/article that chronicles the journey to the - not impossible, but sometimes elusive - Natural Use stage. It reminds the reader that others have been awkward, that sometimes we get stuck in our brains, and that it's not abnormal that you are too.
2. Create a Timeline
Arguing is the fuel needed for the Dance Partner Self Destructing machine to run.
The trick is to create a strategy that drastically reduces the time available to argue. Agreeing on a practice agenda before there are any problems is a little like agreeing to wear seat belts before you start driving.
For dance students, you're in luck.
The Arthur Murray professional you're working with will have a lesson, loaded with content, and built for positive momentum. If you are a professional, dancing with another professional - or an amateur, with another amateur - here is your sample practice schedule:
- Begin with 30 Minutes of stretching, cardio, or yoga
- Do 30 minutes of basic actions individually
- Dance Two Rounds in your discipline
- Coffee
- Pick Two Dances or Principles to emphasize
- Dance Two Rounds integrating the emphasized material
Having an agenda eliminates plenty of problems. Most arguments originate from an aimless approach to your practices. The agenda listed is not the only one available, but any system beats a non-system every time.
3. The Tanks of Improvement
Imagine that your dance progress has three separate fuel tanks. Each tank can go from empty to full, depending on your own development. The reality is that you're not expected to have them all full, all of the time. Here are the "improvement tanks" to keep track of:
- You can improve in HOW YOUR DANCING LOOKS
- You can improve in HOW YOUR DANCING FEELS TO YOUR PARTNER
- You can improve in HOW YOUR DANCING FEELS TO YOURSELF
How your Dancing looks has to do with an outside view of your dancing. Everything from obvious things like posture, style, timing, or transitions around the dance floor can look good to an outside observer - even if it doesn't feel good to the person dancing.
How your dancing feels to your partner is completely independent from how it may feel to you as the dancer. Your partner can find areas to develop or areas of improvement regardless of how it may feel internally.
How your dancing feels to you can be the hardest tank to fill. We can be our own worst critics, and it's not uncommon to turn a blind eye to the positives when we are assessing our own dancing.
Use This As Insurance
This is a long range disarming habit. This means that you've got to apply these three tanks during dance "peacetime", instead of when things get to a boiling point of frustration. Just like insurance, the cost goes up after a disaster. The earlier you purchase it, the more equipped you are. So read this, reflect, and repeat as necessary to eliminate the Pass/Fail single tank mentality that dancers can sabotage themselves with.
4. Change The Environment
Sometimes the key to reducing the combustibility during a dance practice is changing the music, the location, or the lighting.
If your partner's frustration is based on how they feel they look, dim the lights.
If your partner's frustration is based on a particular section of choreography - give them some space.
If your partner's mood is just sour overall, pick some different music, grab them a coffee, and read 7 Things Your Dance Partner Needs to Hear You Say while you wait.
While you may need to do an assortment of the three, all are safe, supportive, and keep you from poking the hornet's nest.
5. The Sound Of Silence
Sometimes your partner just needs to get angry. If our first instinct is to fix the problem, then that attempt could become the problem. Instead, it's perfectly acceptable to let them air it out.
It may take blurting it out to help cycle through the frustration.
It should be noted that being frustrated is a byproduct of caring. Would you rather have a partner stay neutral, with no reaction, and no interest in the final product? Emotion is a strong energy, and sometimes that strong energy just needs to get out so it can be redirected.
Stay silent
Think of the last time you stubbed your toe. You probably said something horrible, winced in pain, and got mad at yourself for the collision. Now imagine someone asking you, "why are you yelling?" "you should have stepped over there" or "you'll be fine".
Staying silent while someone is airing things out can ensure that you aren't interrupting the process.
Final Thought
Doubles tennis is a different challenge than singles. Just like rowing or ice skating, having another human working alongside you toward the same goal offers both challenges and rewards. It takes both dance, and people development.
A partnership of any kind can't survive without the checks and balances of communication, patience, and teamwork.
The beauty of it is that each challenge you encounter becomes an opportunity to develop those skills.
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